1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
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