so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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