I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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