I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
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i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
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So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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