Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Drunk walkin through police station. America
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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