It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
