Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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