Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
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Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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