They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
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