the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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