i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
