He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
