You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
