My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
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