Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
