And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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