my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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