There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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