I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
