i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
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