i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
