I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Randomize
