Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
