I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
