My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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