Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
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My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
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Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
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