My hand turned me down
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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