are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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