They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
