I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
