I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
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