is your mom at the bar?
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
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