me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
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I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
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She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.