Texts From Last Night

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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  Why does Jon Cryer have a career?

  (1-860): View more from Connecticut

  That is a good question.

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  (860): Why does Jon Cryer have a career? (1-860): That is a good question. http://tfl.nu/v28q
  Replies (14) Good night (1384) Bad night (811)
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  (315): View more from New York

  I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.

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  (315): I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong. http://tfl.nu/20fz
  Replies (26) Good night (7373) Bad night (1102)
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  (514): View more from Quebec

  It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far

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  (514): It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far http://tfl.nu/0vof
  Replies (37) Good night (1790) Bad night (4607)
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  (416): View more from Toronto

  Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...

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  (416): Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card... http://tfl.nu/vpen
  Replies (9) Good night (4314) Bad night (982)
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  (801): View more from Utah

  he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.

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  (801): he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages. http://tfl.nu/yro9
  Replies (8) Good night (3551) Bad night (916)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.

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  (203): I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb. http://tfl.nu/7di2
  Replies (2) Good night (3105) Bad night (1148)
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  (360): View more from Washington

  you inspire me to be a worse person

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  (360): you inspire me to be a worse person http://tfl.nu/en33
  Replies (6) Good night (3535) Bad night (1320)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.

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  (503): I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work. http://tfl.nu/c4w1
  Replies (4) Good night (1293) Bad night (563)
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?

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  (908): how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency? http://tfl.nu/6372
  Replies (7) Good night (469) Bad night (1295)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.

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  (847): I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic. http://tfl.nu/aejw
  Replies (8) Good night (1263) Bad night (870)
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  (204): View more from Manitoba

  I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.

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  (204): I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here. http://tfl.nu/z5ot
  Replies (6) Good night (1145) Bad night (631)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out

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  (412): Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out http://tfl.nu/mlh0
  Replies (6) Good night (534) Bad night (893)
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  (207): View more from Maine

  I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.

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  (207): I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there. http://tfl.nu/iapv
  Replies (5) Good night (1340) Bad night (388)
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  (305): View more from Florida

  According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??

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  (305): According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well?? http://tfl.nu/xpum
  Replies (2) Good night (624) Bad night (226)
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  (763): View more from Minnesota

  I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.

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  (763): I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm. http://tfl.nu/0q0k
  Replies (2) Good night (531) Bad night (257)

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