Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
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I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
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i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...