Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place