i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
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The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.