If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear