she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
