Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
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