well I can't set my house on fire every night
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
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glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
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I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...