All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
