yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
