I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
