I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
