im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Houston, we have a squirter
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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