You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Randomize
