he puts the penis in happiness.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
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