Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
