I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
