ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
