Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
