Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
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