so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
