I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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