do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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