WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Randomize
