2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
and she was petting her beer can
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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