I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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