you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
