Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
