I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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