Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
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