Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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