At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
His hands were made for my vagina.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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