Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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