You made me cry and you don't even care
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
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