I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
