her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
