...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Randomize
