ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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