in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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