your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
