my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
