I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
