My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
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honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
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We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with