We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
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I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
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I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...