how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
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Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
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Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.