I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...