onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
