meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I'm sobbing to NWA
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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