So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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