I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
She said her name was "party"
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
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