I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
