My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
