now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
time to smoke my breakfast
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
